Ownage
by Sylistra the scholar
Summary: NEW CHAPTER! Fairly simple plot, got several rofl's from my beta and friends who don't even like Labyrinth Perish the thought, it took time forgiving them that, XD R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: …the authoress did a naughty little thing today, she read a lemon. I won't specify on which lemon, it was a JS (of course, as any other Laby pairing makes about as much sense as a **_**football bat**_**). …Annnywho that fic produced this…frankly Labyrinth Comedy seems to be my favorite thing these days. Be warned…Jareth gets OoC.**

**Disclaimer: Why yes I do happen to own Labyrinth, I bought it just yesterday after having tea with Queen Elizabeth I and then read the twilight series, OMG TEAM EDWARD!!! - Lolz…okay to those who don't understand sarcasm…that was a perfect example of the aforementioned sarcasm. (Shudders) Twilight…blech. **

Sarah sighed the sigh of sighs. It was raining, not that she minded the rain, she just didn't want it to rain today. She wanted to be able to go outside with Toby, dressed in their costumes, Toby would play with his toys while Sarah would open her gifts. It was going to be a lovely little in-park costume party for her 18th birthday.

But _nooooo_ Mother Nature decided to watch a sad movie with Father Time. And of course women + sad movies = sloppy cry fest. Also considering Father Time has to put up with said crying Mother Nature, the minutes seemed unnaturally longer as well as Sarah's sanity seemed unnaturally shorter. So it was raining, pouring, and her old man was snoring while Karen and Toby went off to daycare of some sort. Sarah happened to be resting in her room. She stared out her window watching the streams slide down the pane. If her Dad had left with the rest of her family, undoubtedly, Sarah would have called her friends over through the mirror. Sarah would enact her own little annual celebration of birth with her literally out-of-this-world friends.

Not that she didn't appreciate the delay, in fact she didn't even want a party. What came with 18? Oh **wow**, voting, smoking, sex, and drinking-err if she lived in England. So she could give herself cancer, destroy her uterus while defeating her liver -though only in the UK- yes the big 1-8 was the pinnacle of birthdays. Almost as exciting as getting to see R rated movies without her daddy holding her hand.

Honestly, birthdays were boring to Sarah. The idea to have everyone focus on you just because you were born on that particular date like countless people and then be gifted because of it? It was selfish.

And Sarah did not allow herself to be selfish, not anymore.

Not since she nearly lost her brother.

Sarah shook her head, though she may have wanted a quiet reflection on the anniversary of her birth, she really didn't want to traverse down memory lane. That particular series of memories turned the lane to a five-lane black-top highway, Sarah preferred the small town, hadn't been paved in twenty years, cracked-side walked, tree-lined lane. It was peaceful, there wasn't rushing traffic of cleaners after you just because you compared an oversized maze to a slice of pastry.

"Honestly, what was he thinking? He makes a little slice of pie pun and then hurdles the tunnel drill from Hell at me. What a douche bag," Sarah muttered.

"The preferred term is Villain," replied a voice.

_Oh that was just so like him, dramatic entrances galore…eh hopefully he at least spared on the glitter_, Sarah thought with a sardonic snicker.

"I didn't wish for you, I didn't even think of your name, and I didn't think of you positively. That being said…whatcha doing here?" Sarah asked crossing her arms over her chest, not even looking at him.

"What do you think?"

"Nothing at all really, hence my asking," Sarah replied.

"Ah. Very well, I wanted something from you," Jareth began, Sarah heard the bed begin to shuffle…_so he appeared on my bed…maaan the glitter will never come out!_

"If you even think of going near Toby, I'll-" Jareth cut Sarah off, his gloved hand turned her around by her elbow. His other hand cradled her cheek tenderly, Sarah's breath hitched nervously, Jareth chuckled in reply.

"This is what I want dear girl," Jareth lightly hissed, diving for Sarah's lip as a man starved. Sarah seemed to melt in his capable arms the instant she felt his lips. When she felt the soft flicking sensation of his tongue, she couldn't help it…she allowed him entrance.

And God how wonderful he tasted. He was warmth, he was magic, kissing him felt like coming home and settling in a steamy bath. His masculine, yet marvelous scent wafted into her nostrils, the bouquet complimented his flavor and Sarah was almost lost. She didn't even realize Jareth was leading her away from the window. She just felt his lips, pausing briefly enough to breathe. However, the instant the back of her legs touched her mattress, reality allowed itself to kidnap libido for a moment.

And that's when Jareth's mistake literally hit him, in the form of Sarah's hand, across the face.

"Who in the HELL do you think you are?" Sarah shrieked.

"I'd like to think I'm the man who is about to kiss you again," Jareth muttered, ignoring the red hand print across his cheek.

"Dude, I don't even know you! What the Hell? I mean come on!"

"You seemed to enjoy it well enough," Jareth chuckled.

"That's not the point, I mean, you made with the lungy kiss thing, an-and you are obviously wanting other things too. Just…ew!" Sarah stammered.

"What do you mean by 'ew'?" Jareth inquired.

"I don't know you, we spent maybe…a half hour together total. Hookers know their clients longer then that before being purchased for God's sake!"

"But I thought-"

"What? That because I maybe had a thing for bad boys when I was a kid that it wouldn't change now?"

"I waited-"

"Until I was Legal!" Sarah looked at the clock suddenly and managed some quick math, "I have been 18 for literally an hour…an hour! You waited until practically the instant I became a legal adult. Do you have any idea how creepy that is? Not exactly a turn on…"

"Sarah-"

"No, you don't get to talk right now. No, this isn't your kingdom," she interrupted shrilly, ignoring the death glare she received, "Last I checked, this was my room, not yours…you are invading my kingdom. And I don't believe in diplomatic immunity in Sarah-land so you have to do what I say," She finished with her own death glare, which honestly was adorable. However, this was practically a repeat of the "You have no power over me" sequence, and since Jareth had a bit of a self-esteem issue in regards to Ms. Williams…it more or less pushed the bloke over the edge. Jareth grabbed her by the biceps and forced her against the wall.

"Look, you selfish little girl, you can't deny how I feel about you, it doesn't matter how little you've seen me, because my dear girl I know you. I know how your friends visit every Saturday, and that you are jealous of the fox's scrabble skills. I know your favorite books, your favorite movies, I know your regular routes through the park, I even know what dress you want for prom. I know everything about you Sarah, and I say that you are my match. You challenge me in ways no one I've ever known. You thrill me, you interest me, one look at the anger in your eyes and I am completely undone. I need you Sarah, and I waited three years for you. Indulge me in this one thing," Jareth finished, his eyes shut and he leaned in for another kiss. Only his lips connected with Sarah's hand, and not his intentional target.

"You. Are. A. Creeper".

"What? No- I'm," Jareth began to protest.

"Still a creeper," Sarah replied shaking her head as she pushed him away.

"But…".

"No buts! I don't know you, so I can't like you…not now anyway. I refuse to be seduced…I mean it's my birthday and I want my virginity to last a little longer then 18 years to the damn nose. I mean is there a **WHOOSH SARAH'S LEGAL **alarm you have set up or something? Wait…don't tell me,"

"I wanted to be your first, your only…".

"Dude! Getting creepier…and offensive. Did you think that I would suddenly rush out in the streets and shout 'I'm 18, someone pop my damn cherry!" Sarah demanded.

"Is that a trick question?"

"YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!"

Jareth suddenly looked around…he was back in his room. His shoulders slumped and then he pouted while kicking his bedpost.

**A/N: Not the best piece I've ever written but the point has been made. Honestly read the 18****th**** b-day lemons and think about how honestly creepy it is. I really think Jareth has a Sarah's legal alarm XD.**

**Also a short note from my Beta: Oceanfae, she sends us these kind words: "**_HE TOTALLY DOES. When you post this, can you tell your readers how much I rofled? And how much I endorse this message? PLEASE?!!!! Also, Mini Jareth has something to say._

_Jareth: That bloke totally deserved it."_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Many of the reviewers thought that the first chapter was funny, yet too abrupt. I agreed. However, I wasn't inspired, nor could I come up with a nice second chapter. Until I got back to working out again. And while I was working out I was day dreaming, which helped me come up with this next chapter. And yes my Jareth is a bit of a dumbass, but that's the way he is in my head. Especially with humor. But don't worry, one day Sarah will also be humiliated. :P**

**Disclaimer: Labyrinth belongs to the creators, God bless them all for helping me by producing a hilarious yet delightful film that is just so darn fun to write for. :D**

"He's actually gone! Haha! Sarah you are such a badass!" Sarah cried before engaging in a victory dance.

"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, Good-Bye Goblin Ki-iing, happy birthday to me," She proclaimed before falling into a fit of laughter. She settled down and surveyed the damage after his highness departed. Yes, there was indeed copious amounts of glitter dusting her bed and caked into the wrinkles of the blankets. Sarah groaned before grabbing a dust buster and cleaning up that sparkly residue from that pompous jerk's magic. As she cleaned her mood rapidly declined from successful and mirthful to something more grouchy.

"Stupid jerk, messing up my bed, kissing me…thinking that I would make with nasty smoochies and…other stuff. Ugh. Pervert. Jerk. Ass. Asshat. Asshole. Assface. Dumbass. Fatass. Jackass. Ass-Ass-Ass!" She mumbled, jabbing the bed with her dust buster with every use of the word 'ass'.

"Get over it Sarah, he's gone…gone for - well, hopefully more than just awhile." Sarah paused and sighed, and then the air shifted and chilled. Her skin quivered, gooseflesh shivered up her arm. She tingled…what was going on? She turned and glared into her mirror- and suddenly that feeling was gone. But afterwards she felt…_wired_.

Jareth was caught off guard when Sarah glared directly at him, she had never noticed the crystal magic before, and one day she just begins to? _It was so odd…unless…oh Hell_, Jareth thought.

**Three Wondrously - Potentially Blissful - Jareth Free Years Later…**

"Ten minutes," Sarah gasped, "Come on Sar, you can't stop now."

Sarah was gasping to herself because she was running. Not jogging, speed-walking, or slowly running, but sprinting. It was late at night, pushing one in the morning. She was alone, and she liked it that way. _In a Gadda Da Vida_ played on the stereo system, playing incredibly loud. Thankfully, all of the dorms were out of earshot and Sarah could run in peace.

"Eleven minutes, gotta keep going," Sarah continued sprinting, yet her speed began to dwindle. She noticed that one of the lights was shorting a little. Ignoring the light she continued running. She felt the burning in her leg worsening slightly. Paying it a little mind, she slowed down to a slower run. The feeling lost its intensity and Sarah smiled and reveled in the smell of her sweat, the pounding of her sneakers. Happily, she closed her eyes for a moment. As she passed by the stereo she read the song was now twelve minutes and twenty seconds in. Entering another sprint, Sarah sped up, returning to her original pace. As she ran she noticed that the air was getting cooler, and that now all of the lights in the gym were flickering, fighting desperately so that they could stay on and light Sarah's way. Sarah sped up even faster and read the stereo. _Twelve minutes and fifty seconds_. Sarah continued onward the lessening temperature soothing her warm limbs.

_5...4...3...2, the power goes out, and voila! My personal stalker returns… _Sarah thought with a grimace as the power indeed went out, and the music stopped. Sarah slowed to a stop and looked around as if feigning ignorance, _oh dear what could have possibly happened?_ Sarah rolled her eyes with the thought.

"_Saaaraaah, it's time_," Jareth began, and if it was possible Sarah's eyes rolled with even more frustration.

"Hey can you go away and come back please?" She replied, She slumped forward and stretched her aching legs.

"What?"

"Go away and than come back, it cools down the room, and I've been working out…so I'm kinda hot."

"Such a pity, _precious_"

_Okay, Gollum much?_ Sarah almost responded like that, but for some reason she relented.

"Yeah, a pity, a pity for my poor thighs, they are on fire," She scoffed instead, "so, what can I do for you?"

"It's time," was Jareth's replies.

"Uh-huh," Sarah paused, "That's twice you've said that, care to elaborate your highness?"

"It is the anniversary of your birth."

"Yeah, I will be officially 21 in a few hours... Three years after your botched attempt at seduction and poor attempts of charm," Sarah added with a snicker.

"Yes," he spat, "And I've come for my revenge."

Sarah snorted, and nearly made a spit take, despite her lack of spit, "Ha- you…you're hilarious. Let me guess…you will take me to the Labyrinth,"

"That was my intention, yes."

"And after that I'll undergo all of that cliché humiliation and then eventually fall for you?"

"…no." Jareth hissed, _liar, liar ridiculously tight pants on fi-re_, Sarah mentally sing-songed.

"Oh I know, I just _know_ you weren't giving me an attitude after interrupting my early birthday run, stopping my music, and then threatening me. _You wouldn't dare_." Sarah hissed, staring into the ceiling as Jareth had not yet physically manifested.

"And what if I was?" Jareth dared.

"Don't make me say it," Sarah warned.

"Say what?" Jareth asked, almost curious.

"You have no 'you know what' over me. And even if it doesn't work because I may have taken that statement for granted at one point, I-"

"Do what? Say what? You would be helpless."

"Don't interrupt me!" Sarah chastised, "I don't appreciate it, you ruined my little monologue…is it a monologue when there are two people here? Eh…my rant will do I suppose. So, yeah, you ruined my little rant, only to here my ramblings. At least my rant may have had some punch lines in it," Sarah finished, her momentum becoming sad at best.

"Can you try to be civil?" Jareth asked, all sinister appearances lost. He manifested in a shroud of darkness and glitter with his arms crossed and pouting.

"I don't know. Can you just stop acting like a villain for a change?" Sarah replied.

"Perhaps if you're expectations of me would change," _Ooh look at me I'm a hoighty toighty Goblin King, sympathetic villain my ass._

"I only expect what I've previously seen. So don't act like I am making assumptions about your character, you acted as a Villain, so I can only expect a similar course in the future. Thinking that one moment you're a bad guy but then become a white hat is just silly, assumptive, and downright foolish," Sarah replied with that 'As-Matter-of-Fact' attitude, grating Jareth's nerves.

"I wouldn't have been the villain from the beginning if you didn't treat me as such," Jareth replied coolly.

Sarah cleared her throat. "Oh? So when I was a little afraid after you rushed at me, flapping at me like the feral owl I thought you to be, only to watch you transform into whatever you are, that was my fault that I felt you were the bad guy. Yeah, that makes sense," her words were dripping with sarcasm.

Jareth fumed, and he really wanted to retort, God, you could tell that he had a burning insult traced across his lips, and fluttering in his mind. However he relented, Sarah was taken aback by his silence. Yet Sarah was still too angry as far as she was concerned.

"Sarah, can we drop this argument for a moment, dramatics aside I actually needed to speak with you about some matters of importance."

"I know. And three years has done little to cool me off."

"Would you drop that _please_? I made a mistake, I assumed that you had feelings for me, and then some…especially over that kiss," He paused as his eyes glazed over with fondness, "but in all seriousness if it gets you to shut up over that incident. I am sorry."

"I'm not talking about _that_ misunderstanding you imbecile!" Sarah screeched.

Jareth cringed as his eardrums tingled from Sarah's sheer volume and painful pitch.

"What then?" Jareth asked.

"Think about it, what else have you done, that you know that if I knew the whole truth about, it would enrage me. Figure it out."

Jareth sighed and ran a gloved hand through his hair. _Oh yeah, he knows_, Sarah thought.

"I…kissed you."

"You marked me you idiot! You sang to me in the Labyrinth, and because I was ignorant of what that meant I let you finish it with a kiss three years ago. And _ever since _I have been a magnet for all things paranormal. I mean…do you have any idea what it's like? It is so much more than just goblins."

"Sarah-" Jareth began.

"I have had ghosts appear. I actually held a conversation with _John F. Kennedy_, and man is he pissed about the government today…" Sarah paused with the memory, "My house once had a poltergeist in it. I have been chased by werewolves, stalked by other Fae, bitten by a vampire," She revealed a scar on her shoulder, "I have literally been possessed by some demon bitch named Lilith. And wasn't that a _great_ way to lose my virginity… by some fatass _barfly_ and a demon looking for a one-night stand. I ought to kick your ass for that."

Jareth flinched, "Sarah, plea-"

"OH and let's not forget that because of my special powers and the mark combined, I absorb any raw magic around me. I can't go into old forests, and I haven't seen a magician in years. I went to Europe and it felt like an Acid trip. I don't even remember what happened in New Orleans. Hell, right now…I can feel you, pulsating with magic…and it's making me hyper," She held out her hand, it was shook almost with a mind of its own.

"Magic gives me the shakes, and this is me on a good day. On the few occasions I am in a good mood, bad things happen. I have been accused of kidnapping because all of my roommates disapp-"

"Muzzle yourself woman!" Jareth roared as he exploded forward bathing the gym in black smoke, magical lightening, and _naturally_, glitter. He looked like a younger, metrosexual version of _Emperor Palpatine_.

Even the great spitfire herself, was silenced by Jareth's outburst. Sarah's eyes widened, narrowed, and even twitched, but she still obeyed the oh-so polite request.

"Now, first and foremost…I am sorry for all that has happened," Jareth said. Sarah opened her mouth but Jareth had other intentions. He produced a crystal that formed into a snake. It leaped toward Sarah, shifting into a glittery gossamer gag as it latched itself around Sarah's mouth. The force of the 'blow' sent the girl flying backward. She grunted and a string of muffled curses fought their way through the gag. Her hands tore at the cloth but it was to no avail.

"Sarah, relax. If any true harm was intended against you by my presence, it would have already been carried out." _That_ was a mistake on his part. She underwent enough harm as it is, his reassurance was simply infuriating at best. Her response was immediate. Her eyes narrowed and even louder muffled cursing was heard. Jareth cringed from some choice phrases that encouraged thoughts of washing her mouth out.

"Sarah…please. I am sorry for marking you, I thought…I don't know what I thought," Jareth said quietly, Sarah paused and calmed down. She got back on her feet and gave him an almost sympathetic look. Jareth waved his hand and the gag dissipated.

"I don't hate you," Sarah stated, her voice small.

"What?" a very incredulous Jareth asked.

"In fact I like you. I really, really shouldn't considering all of the trouble you have caused me, but I do, I don't know why, but I do. At first I believed it was because of the mark. But that's the lust, most of it anyway. So," Sarah paused uncomfortably.

Jareth was silent for a moment, "Sarah, back in the Labyrinth, did you ever consider accepting my offer?"

"Of course."

"Wait, what?" Jareth's eyebrows rose.

"Do you want to know why I rejected you? The first time?"

Jareth's eyes burned at the question, he need not speak.

"I understood what your offer meant, but I didn't know what might have happened to Toby, and I couldn't take that chance. Even if you wouldn't have turned him into a goblin, but instead decided to," Sarah thought for a moment, "raise him as your heir. Even if you were the best father in the world, it wouldn't matter," Sarah replied softly.

"Why not?"

"Because he isn't your son. He's my stepmother and my father's son, and I can't make that kind of choice for my brother. He deserved to grow up, and have a childhood. And later if he did want to go underground for whatever reason, it would be his choice. Dreams, love, and power…nothing could erase the guilt of potentially trapping him there, not when he can have a choice. For all I know, I was wrong, you may have sent him home if I asked, but even then I would still have said no, because we did not know each other."

Jareth stood thoughtfully, she was in all accounts correct. They did not know one another all that well. Well, she did not know him, but he certainly knew her. He spent the last six years learning about her, what Sarah labeled as stalking, he felt it was something else entirely.

"Liking you aside, I'm still pissed."

Jareth nodded knowingly.

"You're quiet," She noted.

"Sarah…it's not as if I wasn't aware of what happened. At first I didn't know that the mark was in fact successful, you were so…"

"In the right?" She supplied.

Jareth glared, "vehement about your unfamiliarity with me that I assumed you never accepted the mark. However, it was just -"

"the 'other stuff' I wasn't all too excited over," Sarah finished.

Jareth smiled appreciatively.

"What was that about anyway? 'I wanted to be your first, your only.' That wasn't exactly a natural 20 on a charisma check there pal," Sarah snickered.

"Well, once you get a man thinking about 'other stuff' as you put, and has been denied his 'other stuff' again, he gets desperate."

"And that is what you came up with?"

"I was horny, can you honestly blame me?"

When the word 'horny' fell from his lips, Sarah's eyes bulged and she failed miserably at holding in her laughter. Jareth stared, and Sarah paused. His blank expression resulted in even more laughter. Tears were forming at the corners of her eyes, and she grabbed Jareth's shoulder so she wouldn't fall.

"What is this all about?"

"Jareth, 'horny' really isn't a word you should say. 'Aroused', 'pleased' are words you can use…but horny? You sounded absolutely ridiculous."

"Oh, so because I am a Fae, a king, and I have a brilliant accent, I can't use human colloquialisms?"

"Nope."

"Drat, that's not fair."

"Yeah, but that's the way it is."

**A/N: I really, really, desperately wanted Sarah to call Jareth 'Austin Powers' but the year is around 1992, and the International Man of Mystery came out in '97. *SOB***

Also "natural 20 on a charisma check" is a reference to Dungeons and Dragons, and for those who have not heard of this game it is an RPG. You are given stats (provided by dice) and as you play you roll the dice and its outcome affects the game play. A natural 20 means that without any skill modifiers (bonuses from your high skill), you roll a 20 on a 20 sided die. Charisma is one of these stats (strength, dexterity, intelligence, wisdom, charisma, and constitution). Also to those who play (I'm learning) and if this explanation is in anyway inaccurate, feel free to correct me. :D

Allen


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